THE REASON I SEARCH FOR THE TRUTH!

When I was a child my parents divorced, and the only memories I truly have of my biological father are the few weekends that the two of us spent together during the course of the first 12 years of my life.

Just days after my 12th birthday my father was driving me home and my heart knew I would never see him again so I asked him this question…

“Do you believe in God and heaven?”

He smiled  and said, “Yes.” He then asked me to reach into his glove compartment and pull out a gift. When we arrived in front of my house he asked me to open the gift, I hugged him, and he drove away. That moment was the beginning of my journey to find God. I wanted to make sure that one day I would see my father again.

It’s interesting how life turns out, and a few years ago I dialed a number that would result in my father picking up the phone. It was an amazing moment to be reintroduced to a man I only had a few memories of. During the past few years I’ve only seen him once, and we speak when we can. It’s interesting because of his age he wants to share with me the stories of his life. The moments during the nearly 40 years that I missed, and the impact that he made within the lives of his family and friends.

The last phone conversation we had was nearly a month ago and I was sharing with him how I went looking for God because I wanted to make sure that in the event the two of us never connected on earth I would be reunited with him once again in heaven. I shared with him the story of how I’ve spent my life reading the Bible and researching all the religions of the world, and how the only one that made any sense to me was the one that shared the simplicity of God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

As we were talking he then began sharing with me that He didn’t believe that Jesus was the only way, but yet believed in Jesus.  He believes there are many ways to God, and as we talked I could hear the anger in his voice. He thought I  was judging him for his beliefs when all I was trying to do was ask him how he could believe in Jesus, but not believe in Jesus.

Before we concluded our phone conversation I asked him if I wrote a book about who Jesus said He was, if He would read it. He agreed, and since that day I’ve been following the footsteps of Jesus sharing His journey of how He arrived at the Cross.

Today I was scribing the story of when Jesus was asked to heal the daughter of Jairus, and the moment goes like this…

18 While He was saying these things to them, behold, there came a synagogue official, and bowed down before Him, saying, “My daughter has just died; but come and lay Your hand on her, and she will live.” 19 And Jesus rose and began to follow Him, and so did His disciples.

20 And behold, a woman who had been suffering from a hemorrhage for twelve years, came up behind Him and touched the fringe of His cloak; 21 for she was saying to herself, “If I only touch His garment, I shall get well.” 22 But Jesus turning and seeing her said, “Daughter, take courage; your faith has made you well.” And at once the woman was made well. Mark 5: 18-22 
35 While He was still speaking, they came from the house of the synagogue official saying, “Your daughter has died; why trouble the Teacher anymore?” 36 But Jesus, overhearing what was being spoken, said to the synagogue official, “Do not be afraid any longer, only believe.” Mark 5: 35-36

23 And when Jesus came into the official’s house, and saw the flute-players, and the crowd in noisy disorder, 24 He began to say, “Depart; for the girl has not died, but is asleep.” And they began laughing at Him. 25 But when the crowd had been put out, He entered and took her by the hand; and the girl arose. 26 And this news went out into all that land. Matthew 9:23-26

As I was revisiting that moment within the life and times of Jesus I was reminded of the importance of crowds and disorder, and it reminded me of the gift that my father gave me on our last visit.  It was a, pink, Cinderella watch.

Each day I  look at that watch, and I’m reminded that everything is revealed in God’s timing and that when noise and confusion arrives this is what happens. A daughter goes looking for her father because he tells her that he believes in God, but when she arrives at the place where she believes she’s meant to be she finds out the door that she’s knocking on and the door that her father is knocking on are two very different doors.

I know many people who think it’s okay to believe many things, and that Karma and doing good will make everything right, but what I’ve found is peace can’t arrive within that answer.

I thank God every day that I asked my father that question because had I not gone looking for him,  I never would have understood the importance of truly wanting to find what one is searching for.

I pray that one day my father knows that the desires of my heart are not for evil, but to simply give back to him the greatest gift he gave to me!

L.B.

ONWARD TO THE CROSS!

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “THE REASON I SEARCH FOR THE TRUTH!

  1. morganpardee

    Everyone wants to feel connected, connected to loved ones, connected to community, connected to something bigger and more important than ourselves. We can’t help it. We’re hardwired that way to ensure our survival. It saddens me to see people allowing ideas and beliefs — all merely thoughts in our minds — to separate us from ones we love. Why can’t we just love each other just the way we are? I’m certain your father does not believe your desire for him to embrace a belief that is important to you — but perhaps not to him — does not come out of any sense of “evil.” But you have to recognize,Gina, that it’s YOUR desire. If you believe this separates you from your father, then it’s up to you to change what YOU think, not about God but about what’s important: your connection to your father; or your connection to your beliefs. If there is anger in his voice, perhaps it comes from thoughts that your beliefs are what are separating him from you?

    When I re-examine the door analogy you used, I see it differently: “…the door that she’s knocking on and the door that her father is knocking on are two very different doors.” Is it really two different doors, Gina? Or two different perceptions of the same door.

    Jesus asks us to believe in God’s divine love. He does not ask us to believe ONLY in GOD’s divine love; He asks ALL of us to believe in the Love and the POWER of Love, an emotion that connects all of us and transcends all “doors” of thought or perception that separate us.

    Finding Divine Love is a personal journey, one we must all make alone. No one can make the journey for us, not even a loving daughter who never wants to feel separated from her father (Father?) again. I do not believe you and your father will be separated in death by thoughts or beliefs. Divine Love — regardless of the perception of its source — will keep you and your father connected forever.

    • Thank you Debra for writing. This was a touchy one for me to write. Remember my Appointments with God, is truly just my personal journal to my finding my truth. It was interesting because I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal until he shared with me that it was. The only reason I’m penning the rest of the story for him is so he can get to know me. That’s all.

      We were separated for many decades, living different lives, and now we are getting to know each other. My writing to him is just my showing him what I’ve learned,and why I came to my personal decision. I don’t believe that faith is a competition, but like everything in life, one must live the life they believe in. I won’t know if what I believe in is right until I die, but if I say I believe in what is written than I must believe in what is written. That’s all.

      Love you Debra. Always love our friendship.

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