Audra and Terry  Killoran

On Monday, May 14, 2012, a friend that I had yet to personally meet arrived from Michigan with her daughter. Terry and her daughter, Audra, arrived in Los Angeles on Mother’s Day so they would be part of the audience that would fill the seats on the Ellen Show on May 15. Since they had Monday opened the three of us met up and went to the beach.

I can’t remember how many times within my life that I’ve sat on the beach sunning myself. Enjoying the waves, and watching families play in the sand… this  trip to the ocean was much different. This trip included her son, Alex,  who was no longer with his mother and  sister, but rather his ashes were placed within a beautiful container, which would be opened and placed within the sand.

Being a mother myself my heart hurt for her as she reached into her purse and gently brought the container out into the open. For a moment I watched her as she looked up into heaven, kissed the top of the container and then so very gently opened it. Her eyes filled with tears as she released Alex into sand. When her heart was done doing what it had come to do I watched peace arrive to her face. We hugged and then the three of us went for a walk on the beach that lasted for hours.

By the end of our evening together I had learned that our families were so similar. Her children are the exact same ages as mine. We both had a son who was in the Marines, and we each love our children unconditionally.

For the past few days I’ve been thinking about of our “appointment” in the sand, and the blessing that arrived within it. I asked Terry if I could write about our time together and if she had something that she wanted to add to this appointment. This was her reply:

“Thank you God for choosing ME to be his mom. It’s been a wonderful adventure and I wouldn’t have traded it for anything. My life will forever be changed and in the best way possible. I have experienced all the loves a mother possible could. Also, if it really was his time, THANK YOU for letting me say one more time to him and him to me…’I LOVE YOU!’ It’s music to my hears and keeps my faith growing stronger and stronger every day.” Terry Killoran

With tears in my eyes I have no idea what it feels like to lose a child. I don’t even think I can imagine the pain and sorrow that would arrive with it, but I have noticed something beautiful that is given to mothers  who have God within their  heart… Peace!

Terry has a blog that she has started and I would love to share her heart with anyone would love to follow it. Please join I am Momma K

And Terry here are words  that God put on my heart to write for you…

With all my love,

To Alex, 

As I sit here quietly my thoughts are just of you.  All the things we used to say, all the things we’d do.  The dreams we’d share together, the plans that we made, those memories I cherish, each and every day.

I remember thinking to myself that if I did it right; you’d be with me in the morning and home with me at night.  My words of loving kindness, my gentle touch to say, that I would never harm you, and love you everyday. 

Then one night I heard a voice, a whisper from above.  I knew that it was sent for me, sent for me with love.

I thank you for the job you did, Alex made me proud. He came through the gates of heaven, running through the crowd.  On the day your child was born I wrote his birthday down, but not the day that you gave birth— the day I’d call him home.  The day you held him in your arms I saw the love you had. I couldn’t wait to hold him too, but it wasn’t time- not yet!

It’s hard when you love someone to ever let him go, but know deep in your heart I also love him so.  Alex stands right here with me and someday soon you’ll see.  The greatest gift I gave to you, now you share with me!

We will forever be with you until you’re here with us (and every time you need to) just look to us above.  Your child hears your every prayer he smiles down with love. Just listen to your heart beat, it’s our song from up above.” 

 L.B. (The Lord’s Blessings)

And, this is so true… 1As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person. Proverbs 27:19  

For every beach I travel to, I will forever see the heart of a mother whose love for her child was reflected.




Filed under Appointment with God, Belief, Christianity, Coffee, Devotion, Faith, Finding Yourself, Friendship, GOD, Hope, Jesus


  1. Gina, my heart is filled with a mixture of emotions. I was crying, laughing, reminiscing and then my heart just over-loaded. Thank you for sharing Alex’s story, OUR story. I am so proud of him and for you letting others know about him. love, Terry

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